Peckris 2 Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 I've squirted Domestos into my computer as it's supposed to remove 99% of bugs. 2 Quote
Sword Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 24 minutes ago, Peckris 2 said: I've squirted Domestos into my computer as it's supposed to remove 99% of bugs. Sounds like some sort of dodgy attempt to claim accidental damage on your insurance. 🙂 1 Quote
UPINSMOKE Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 A bloke purchased a world map. He gave his wife a dart and said to her "Throw this and wherever it lands, I'm taking you for a holiday". They spent three weeks behind the fridge 1 Quote
Sword Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 28 minutes ago, UPINSMOKE said: A bloke purchased a world map. He gave his wife a dart and said to her "Throw this and wherever it lands, I'm taking you for a holiday". They spent three weeks behind the fridge Pay attention. 😀 Danelaw gave that joke already (just one page back)! 1 Quote
Diaconis Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 A man goes into a pub and he walks up to cigarette machine to buy fags. The cigarette machine says ‘Sod off’. He’s a bit upset. So he goes to the bar. There’s a bowl of nuts. They say ‘Ooooh, you look lovely!’ The man’s really puzzled. He looks over at the landlord who says ‘I’m sorry mate. I should have warned you - the cigarette machine’s out of order and the peanuts are complimentary.’ By the way, on a numismatic note, I do hate the new '007' 50pence pieces, but then again, I hate all change. 3 Quote
Paddy Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 The M1 and the A1 are in a bar having a drink when a stretch of red tarmac walks in. "Who is that?" asks the M1. "Oh, watch out for him - he's a real cycle path!" replies the A1. 1 4 Quote
Danelaw Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 French radio are saying there has been a fire at a cheese factory. They are reporting there is de brie everywhere. 3 Quote
Danelaw Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 On 3/14/2020 at 10:28 PM, Peckris 2 said: I've squirted Domestos into my computer as it's supposed to remove 99% of bugs. I accidentally squirted some Domestos over a man of the cloth once. I was arrested for bleach of the priest. 1 4 Quote
Diaconis Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 During this period of self-imposed confinement, and between bouts of gargling with Bragg's vinegar, I'm revisiting some of my favourite box sets. I'm currently watching that loveable pompous ass Tony Hancock (again). Hancock and James, and a supporting cast too numerous to mention, the pure quality of which I never tire. Many questions raised, for example, is 'Circa' pronounced, Surka or Kurka 😂😂😂. From now on, it's Kurka for me, if only for the raised eyelids. Time for another gargle. Quote
Danelaw Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 I coughed on the bus this morning and 4 people turned around. I thought I was through to the next round of 'The Voice' 3 Quote
bagerap Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 After the Oxford-Cambridge boat race is cancelled, organisers say anyone who still wants to see old Etonians out of their depth can watch the daily coronavirus briefing instead. 1 1 Quote
blakeyboy Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 On 3/15/2020 at 3:34 PM, Danelaw said: Just listened to the whole thing in the workshop. Didn't get much work done 1 Quote
blakeyboy Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 On 3/17/2020 at 6:07 PM, Diaconis said: Here's a topical one Fantastic!! I'd forgotten how good Patricia Hayes was.... 2 Quote
Diaconis Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 49 minutes ago, blakeyboy said: Fantastic!! I'd forgotten how good Patricia Hayes was.... I agree there Blakey, superb... Just watched The Ladies Man...I'd forgotten what a cracker Liz Fraser was😛 1 Quote
blakeyboy Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 ...and I suppose you've also notice June Whitfield in The Blood Donor...... 1 Quote
Diaconis Posted March 20, 2020 Posted March 20, 2020 16 hours ago, blakeyboy said: ...and I suppose you've also notice June Whitfield in The Blood Donor...... I did indeed, good shout. I also spotted little Peter Glaze playing the dog in the Bowmans. I did a bit of googling and was surprised to read that he passed away aged just 58, he always looked older than his years. Used to love him in Crackerjack. Quote
Rob Posted March 20, 2020 Posted March 20, 2020 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1ymR82yFYnk&feature=share You couldn't script this. 1 3 Quote
blakeyboy Posted March 20, 2020 Posted March 20, 2020 On 3/17/2020 at 6:07 PM, Diaconis said: Here's a topical one Just watched it again....sooo good. Quote
Danelaw Posted March 20, 2020 Posted March 20, 2020 I once made a wig from bum hair. It was great looking but on windy days it kept blowing off. 2 Quote
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