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bagerap

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Everything posted by bagerap

  1. THE LAWS OF LIFE LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. LAW OF GRAVITY: Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF PROBABILITY: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. LAW OF RANDOM NUMBERS: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. VARIATION LAW: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). LAW OF THE BATH: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. LAW OF THE THEATRE & FOOTBALL: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. THE COFFEE LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. MURPHY'S LAW OF LOCKERS: If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES: The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. BROWN'S LAW OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: If the clothes fit, they're ugly. WILSON'S LAW OF COMMERCIAL MARKETING STRATEGY: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. DOCTORS' LAW: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
  2. bagerap

    Charles Kennedy

    Boris Johnson who presides over an administration of sleaze, chumocracy and graft faces questions about exactly who paid for the refurbishment of the 11 Downing St flat and his 2019 New Year Caribbean holiday. He also poured a lot of public money into his four year affair with Jennifer Arcuri. He missed five consecutive emergency COBRA meetings in the build up to the coronavirus crisis, and has proven himself to be an amoral dissembling chancer. What kind of leadership is that?
  3. If I stick my finger in my ear I can hear the radio… honestly, I'm a dab hand.
  4. bagerap

    Ebay - new registration requirement issues

    As far as Etsy goes, I've been on there for about 9 years and made 382 sales. It's not really set up for our market and the fees generally work out to be the same as Ebay/Paypal. There is one thing though to be considered if you wish to sell to the USA, unless you offer free shipping above a certain price ($45?) your goods won't be seen in America. Good point, you can make full use of SEO by using the many descriptive tag fields you're given.
  5. bagerap

    Ebay - new registration requirement issues

    We all are being forcibly changed to the new ebay payment system May 31st, although they are trying hard to lure people to change before that date. Usually on a Bank Holiday weekend there is the offer of £1 maximum commission to tempt us into selling. And the offers are still there IF you agree to change over to ebay payments now. I really need to learn how to build a website, fast.
  6. A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make £48,000 a year and you make £1.7M, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic "Try doing it with the engine running"
  7. Ging by Britannia, I would have expected this to be George II, but he seems to have no neck.
  8. When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens. These IKEA wardrobes really are shite.
  9. He shoots, he scores! Brilliantly spotted. It is indeed the Newton evasion. I'd considered unofficial farthings but could find none that matched.
  10. bagerap

    Old Coin Monthly's still outstanding

    In the cupboard under the stairs that I've been avoiding, I found July 68, January 69 & June 70 should any one want them.
  11. Q. What did Edith Piaf say to the waiter, when he asked what salad dressing she wanted? A. Je Vinaigrette Rien. (I'll get my coat)
  12. This appeared on ebay under tokens: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Fichte-Bauchi-Louis-xv65-designer-safe/254934993430?hash=item3b5b4f4a16:g:gJwAAOSwORpgYyHC
  13. Any publican will tell you that people who prefer a dimple pint or "jug" never pick it up by the handle. It's always used, handle opposite mouth and with the first three fingers poking through. So why not use a straight glass, is it the weight? Also that which is described as a shaker, a term I have never encountered, is more commonly known as a sleever. More specifically, a cider sleever.
  14. bagerap

    Gadoury auction 16th April

    Gadoury have one or two nice Conders coming up next week, starting @ lot 201: https://www.biddr.com/auctions/gadoury/browse?a=1654&p=3
  15. bagerap

    Alternative coin storage

    Back in the day when I handled more coins than medals I put everything into 2 x 2s. Storage was easy. Even today most charity shops will have slide boxes for 35 mm slides, or even better the cartridges used in 35 mm slide projectors. They fit beautifully.
  16. If you don't get this first time round, well neither did I. Bob and a few of his co-workers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday. Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?" Susan pipes up "It's Bob's birthday!" "Oh well happy birthday! Make sure you save room because you'll get a free dessert!" Tim and Susan smile and nod, but Bob looks a bit confused. He asks her to repeat herself. "Sure thing, happy birthday! Save room and you'll get a free dessert". There's a moment of silence before Bob says "Vroom, vroom!"
  17. It's an Egyptian dish of fava beans and can be written many ways including ful meddamas, foul mesdames ad infinitum. One of the joys of translating from a non roman alphabet. Have a look at all your local Indian take away menus. Most of them will have similar dishes but spelling can vary widely.
  18. This comes from a local restaurant in Charminster, Bournemouth:
  19. Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumour. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment" Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three". Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No" the man replied "actually I just heard about it". "All right" said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So" Socrates continued "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well" concluded Socrates "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
  20. An elderly, but hardy cattleman once told a young female neighbour that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
  21. A builder's labourer goes to his doctor, "I'm constipated." he says. The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, "Lean over the table." After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his a**e with a baseball bat. A loud "CRACK!" is heard, and the doctor sends him to the toilet. After coming out of the toilet, he says, "I feel great! What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping your a**e with cement bags
  22. bagerap

    Edward V11 penny with smooth reverse

    Are you somewhere North of Watford? I ask because there used to be a Midlands variant of shove ha'penny that used a longer board with more divisions and, crucially, pennies instead of their smaller cousins/.
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