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Madness

Stuff to Make Us Laugh

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Please share stuff that makes you literally laugh out loud.  Makes life more enjoyable.  Extra points if it involves Monty Python.

 

 

Edited by Madness

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My favourite scene from Fawlty Towers which cracks me up every time I see it:-

"Don't mention the war"

 

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Oh, Monty Python you say....

"Blackmail" - brilliant:-

 

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The source of my avatar

 

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I laughed out loud hearing katie price might go bankrupt .

To think she might have too end up giving bjs and tit jobs to any old man  with wads of money and false teath.

I might be in with a chance, LOL , two out of three aint bad as meatloaf said .

Edited by copper123

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Prince Philip's gaffes always make me laugh. 

A selection of the "95 gaffes in 95 years" as published by The Independent:

2. “Ghastly.” Prince Philip's opinion of Stoke-on-Trent, as offered to the city's Labour MP Joan Walley at Buckingham Palace in 1997.

3. “Deaf? If you’re near there, no wonder you are deaf.” Said to a group of deaf children standing near a Caribbean steel drum band in 2000.

4. “If you stay here much longer, you will go home with slitty eyes.” To 21-year-old British student Simon Kerby during a visit to China in 1986.

5. “You managed not to get eaten then?” To a British student who had trekked in Papua New Guinea, during an official visit in 1998.

9. “It looks as though it was put in by an Indian.” The Prince's verdict of a fuse box during a tour of a Scottish factory in August 1999. He later clarified his comment: “I meant to say cowboys. I just got my cowboys and Indians mixed up.”

10. “People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle.” To survivors of the Lockerbie bombings in 1993.

12. “A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now that everybody's got more leisure time they are complaining they are unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want.” A man of the people shares insight into the recession that gripped Britain in 1981.

13. “British women can't cook.” Winning the hearts of the Scottish Women's Institute in 1961.

15. “What do you gargle with – pebbles?” To Tom Jones, after the Royal Variety Performance, 1969. He added the following day: “It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs.”

16. “It's a vast waste of space.” Philip entertained guests in 2000 at the reception of a new £18m British Embassy in Berlin, which the Queen had just opened.

18. “If it has four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.” Said to a World Wildlife Fund meeting in 1986.

19. “You ARE a woman, aren't you?” To a woman in Kenya in 1984, after accepting a gift.


21. “Get me a beer. I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!” On being offered the finest Italian wines by PM Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.

22. “I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family.” In 1967, asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.

26. “A pissometer?” The Prince sees the renamed piezometer water gauge demonstrated by Australian farmer Steve Filelti in 2000.

29. “Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.” At the 50th anniversary of the Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme.

30. “Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.↑ Accepting a conservation award in Thailand in 1991.

31. “Aren't most of you descended from pirates?” In the Cayman Islands, 1994.

32. “You bloody silly fool!” To an elderly car park attendant who made the mistake of not recognising him at Cambridge University in 1997.

34. “If you travel as much as we do you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.” To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002.

36. “And what exotic part of the world do you come from?” Asked in 1999 of Tory politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, whose parents are Jamaican. He replied: “Birmingham.”

37. “Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.” On a visit to Australia in 1992, when asked if he wanted to stroke a koala bear.

39. “I wish he'd turn the microphone off!” The Prince expresses his opinion of Elton John's performance at the 73rd Royal Variety Show, 2001.

42. “Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!” To parents during a visit to Fir Vale Comprehensive School in Sheffield, which had suffered poor academic reputation.

43. “Ah you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then? Ha, ha! Well done.” Meeting 14-year old George Barlow, whose invited to the Queen to visit Romford, Essex, in 2003.

44. “So who's on drugs here?... HE looks as if he's on drugs.” To a 14-year-old member of a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002.

45. “You could do with losing a little bit of weight.” To hopeful astronaut, 13-year-old Andrew Adams.

 

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49 . Philip: “Who are you?”

Simon Kelner: “I'm the editor-in-chief of The Independent, Sir.”

Philip: “What are you doing here?”

Kelner: “You invited me.”

Philip: “Well, you didn't have to come!”

An exchange at a press reception to mark the Golden Jubilee in 2002.

50. “No, I would probably end up spitting it out over everybody.” Prince Philip declines the offer of some fish from Rick Stein's seafood deli in 2000.

52. “Holidays are curious things, aren't they? You send children to school to get them out of your hair. Then they come back and make life difficult for parents. That is why holidays are set so they are just about the limit of your endurance.” At the opening of a school in 2000.

53. “People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.” In 2000.

54. “Can you tell the difference between them?” On being told by President Obama that he'd had breakfast with the leaders of the UK, China and Russia.

55. “I don't know how they are going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield.” After meeting students from Brunei coming to Britain to study in 1998.

56. “Do people trip over you?” Meeting a wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident in 2002.

57. “That's a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?” Discussing the tartan designed for the Papal visit with then-Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie last year.

 

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61. “So you're responsible for the kind of crap Channel Four produces!” Speaking to then chairman of the channel, Michael Bishop, in 1962.

62. “Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years.” Address to the General Dental Council, quoted in Time in 1960.

66. “It makes you all look like Dracula's daughters!” To pupils at Queen Anne's School in Reading, who wear blood-red uniforms, in 1998.

67. “I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.” Dismissing claims that those who sell slaughtered meat have greater moral authority than those who participate in blood sports, in 1988.

72. “Why don't you go and live in a hostel to save cash?” Asked of a penniless student.

74. “If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.” Of his daughter, Princess Anne.

75. “They're not mating are they?” Spotting two robots bumping in to one another at the Science Museum in 2000.

78. “It looks like a tart's bedroom.” On seeing plans for the Duke and then Duchess of York's house at Sunninghill Park.

79. “Reichskanzler.” Prince Philip used Hitler's title to address German chancellor Helmut Kohl during a speech in Hanover in 1997.

81. “Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!" Showing his impatience to be fed at a dinner party in 2004.

82. “I thought it was against the law these days for a woman to solicit.” Said to a woman solicitor.

83. “You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.” Said to Sir Rennie Maudslay, Keeper of the Privy Purse, in the 1970s.

84. “What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer.” Response to a comment at a small-business lunch about how difficult it is in Britain to get rich.

86. “I'd much rather have stayed in the Navy, frankly.” When asked what he felt about his life in 1992.

87. “It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons” On being shown “primitive” Ethiopian art in 1965.

88. “You're not wearing mink knickers, are you?” Philip charms fashion writer Serena French at a World Wildlife Fund gathering in 1993.

89. “My son...er...owns them.” On being asked on a Canadian tour whether he knew the Scilly Isles.

92. “Oh yes, there's a lot of orphanges in Romania - they must breed them”. To a girl who told him she had been to Romania to help at an orphanage during a prize-giving ceremony for the Duke of Edinburgh Awards in 2010.

95. “Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut.” To a 13-year-old while he was visiting a space
 shuttle.

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4 minutes ago, Sword said:

95. “Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut.” To a 13-year-old while he was visiting a space

 shuttle. 

To the best of my knowlege that tubby salford lad never made it to NASA so maybe the old buggers wiser than everyone thinks

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The Duke supposedly asked the lad "Would you like to to be sent into space on holiday?" and he just replied "yes". The follow up remark (like his others) was rather uncalled for. 

But it is hard to be too critical of an aged Royal.

 

1292110907_princephilip-Copy-Copy.png.bccaeb383de010c7aa3e474df6553b1c.png

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Just looking back on the monty pythons life of brian clip

Did you know it was the ultimate insult to say a roman had a huge penis , in roman society having a "large one " was associiated with barrarians and enemies of rome .

heres a picture  from" the hidden room" in naples where I went last year for a city break in Naples.

It would have been brought out at the end of an evenings entertainment , it depicts northern european foes of Rome , they are of course lamps .

naples2.jpg

Edited by copper123

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who remembers this pic from a classic rock bands first movie

pomp.jpg

Edited by copper123

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2 hours ago, Sword said:

The Duke supposedly asked the lad "Would you like to to be sent into space on holiday?" and he just replied "yes". The follow up remark (like his others) was rather uncalled for. 

But it is hard to be too critical of an aged Royal.

looks like hes seen a big pair of knockers he likes

1292110907_princephilip-Copy-Copy.png.bccaeb383de010c7aa3e474df6553b1c.png

 

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11 hours ago, Madness said:

 

 

 

I can't believe you've put this video up.

I've been showing to people for years and it always does their heads in.

Talk about inspired.......

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The dalek one, I meant.

Mind you, Ted has 500 clips worth sharing.....

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14 minutes ago, blakeyboy said:

The dalek one, I meant.

Mind you, Ted has 500 clips worth sharing.....

father ted rip gone too soon

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Larson spider.jpg

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I love The Far Side  @mrbadexample

 

JJlNksU.jpg

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13 hours ago, Madness said:

I love The Far Side  @mrbadexample

 

Can't beat Gary Larson. Best cartoonist ever.

 

 

Larson frog.jpg

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Image result for Farside cartoon no cutting in

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FarSideTarzan2.gif.afc17065a63c009fed76b290472b86f4.gif

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