copper123 Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 Why would a good communist never drink yorkshire tea? Because all proper tea is theft 3 Quote
bagerap Posted May 2, 2021 Posted May 2, 2021 If I stick my finger in my ear I can hear the radio… honestly, I'm a dab hand. 1 Quote
Sword Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Would my delivery charge be refunded if the postie didn't sing ... 3 Quote
blakeyboy Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 On 5/2/2021 at 7:18 PM, bagerap said: If I stick my finger in my ear I can hear the radio… honestly, I'm a dab hand. Mother of God 1 Quote
Sword Posted May 8, 2021 Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Sword said: An original eBay feedback: Might be I should explain that I don't think the seller actually passed away. The buyer left a feedback in his own language and probably has a limited command of English. One of the recent items of the seller's is a certain "Cromwell crown"... Edited May 8, 2021 by Sword Quote
bagerap Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 THE LAWS OF LIFE LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. LAW OF GRAVITY: Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF PROBABILITY: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. LAW OF RANDOM NUMBERS: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. VARIATION LAW: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). LAW OF THE BATH: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. LAW OF THE THEATRE & FOOTBALL: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. THE COFFEE LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. MURPHY'S LAW OF LOCKERS: If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES: The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. BROWN'S LAW OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: If the clothes fit, they're ugly. WILSON'S LAW OF COMMERCIAL MARKETING STRATEGY: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. DOCTORS' LAW: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. 2 5 Quote
Paddy Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 A couple of principles that help with Mechanical problems: "If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway." "If all else fails, read the instructions." 1 2 Quote
bagerap Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 Two nuns, from different orders had arranged to meet for a Diocesan conference. Sister Mary, on seeing her colleague looking somewhat breathless asked "Did you come on your bike?" To which Sister Benedicta replied "Yes, must have been the bloody cobblestones" 4 Quote
bagerap Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 Sad news. The man who invented spaghetti cooked in curdled milk has pasta whey 2 Quote
bagerap Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 More sad news. Just read that the world scrabble eating champion has passed a Y. 2 Quote
Peckris 2 Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 I was playing Scrabble and had just 4 letters left - O V N R Sadly, this means nothing to me. 1 4 Quote
copper123 Posted May 23, 2021 Posted May 23, 2021 5 hours ago, secret santa said: And nigel farage Quote
Peckris 2 Posted June 15, 2021 Posted June 15, 2021 Who is that guy? If I knew, I could perhaps understand this post! Quote
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