Stuff to Make Us Laugh

[Peckris 2]

I'm surprised they didn't also highlight "roasted husband"

[copper123]

2 hours ago, Peckris 2 said:

I'm surprised they didn't also highlight "roasted husband"

Obviously a hot part if china or maybe thats just the curry

[copper123]

[bagerap]

This comes from a local restaurant in Charminster, Bournemouth:

 

[alfnail]

[Peckris 2]

On the subject of foreign menus:

Our local Arab-run Mediterranean caff had a signboard outside that read GENUINE ARABIC COUSIN - and one of the items on their menu was FOUL MEDAMES

[bagerap]

It's an Egyptian dish of fava beans and can be written many ways including ful meddamas, foul mesdames ad infinitum. One of the joys of translating from a non roman alphabet. Have a look at all your local Indian take away menus. Most of them will have similar dishes but spelling can vary widely.

[Peckris 2]

4 hours ago, bagerap said:

It's an Egyptian dish of fava beans and can be written many ways including ful meddamas, foul mesdames ad infinitum. One of the joys of translating from a non roman alphabet. Have a look at all your local Indian take away menus. Most of them will have similar dishes but spelling can vary widely.

A friend who knew the Hindi alphabet was in India and painstakingly spelled out a sign in a big railway station. "R" she began, "É", "L", "W", "É", "ST", "É", "SH", "N". Then blushed...

[1949threepence]

I think there's FUK U  and WAN KING Chinese restaurants somewhere as well. 

[bagerap]

If you don't get this first time round, well neither did I.

Bob and a few of his co-workers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday. Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?" Susan pipes up "It's Bob's birthday!" "Oh well happy birthday! Make sure you save room because you'll get a free dessert!" Tim and Susan smile and nod, but Bob looks a bit confused. He asks her to repeat herself. "Sure thing, happy birthday! Save room and you'll get a free dessert". There's a moment of silence before Bob says "Vroom, vroom!"

[Bronze & Copper Collector]

22 minutes ago, bagerap said:

If you don't get this first time round, well neither did I.

Bob and a few of his co-workers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday. Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?" Susan pipes up "It's Bob's birthday!" "Oh well happy birthday! Make sure you save room because you'll get a free dessert!" Tim and Susan smile and nod, but Bob looks a bit confused. He asks her to repeat herself. "Sure thing, happy birthday! Save room and you'll get a free dessert". There's a moment of silence before Bob says "Vroom, vroom!"

For those that remember Groucho and his show 'You Bet Your Life', where if you said the secret word  you got $100 ($50 each contestant).

Let us not forget the contestant who tried to collect the bonus by saying "THE SECRET WORD". I don't know if they ever collected the $100 or even if the segment ever aired, but it does make for interesting conversation and is somewhat apropos...

[copper123]

Something from china that will make everyone laugh

Esp marleybob in a workshop at the moment bending this and trying to make it look old.

What a fu king rare coin

Edited March 19, 2021 by copper123

[blakeyboy]

I've had ten days to mull it over, but now think that talking about Mike and Bernie Winters

and saying "There's no business like Schnorbitzness" 

is an astonishingly wonderful contrived pun.

Peckris should get an award....

[bagerap]

[oldcopper]

I heard a good joke on Classic FM a few years back. Yes I know, an unlikely source:

Two friends, an Englishman and a Frenchman both own cats. The Englishman's is call "One Two Three" and the Frenchman's "Un Deux Trois".

One day, they decide to race their cats against each other over the English Channel - One Two Three starting from Dover, Un Deux Trois from Calais. Whoever's cat gets across the channel first wins.

Come the big day, both cats set off, a few hours later One Two Three reached France, but even by the next day there's no sign of Un Deux Trois.

The Englishman phones up his friend to find out what happened.

Well, Un Deux Trois cat sank.....

[Michael-Roo]

 

Or the Frenchman who was unable to count beyond seven.

Because of his huit allergy. 

 

I'll get me coat.

 

[alfnail]

[Peckris 2]

9 hours ago, Michael-Roo said:

 

Or the Frenchman who was unable to count beyond seven.

Because of his huit allergy.

I've tried twice to post this, but I get the 403 Forbidden each time. I'm hoping a picture will evade the censors...

[bagerap]

Q. What did Edith Piaf say to the waiter, when he asked what salad dressing she wanted?

A. Je Vinaigrette Rien.

(I'll get my coat)

[Diaconis]

[bagerap]

When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens.

These IKEA wardrobes really are shite.

[Michael-Roo]

[Fubar]

Must've been taken when I was off sick. One of these days I'll find myself staring back from one of these. We must've all been cloned back in the day. 😎

[Michael-Roo]

[bagerap]

 

A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make £48,000 a year and you make £1.7M, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic "Try doing it with the engine running"