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The M1 and the A1 are in a bar having a drink when a stretch of red tarmac walks in. "Who is that?" asks the M1. "Oh, watch out for him - he's a real cycle path!" replies the A1.

A man goes into a pub and he walks up to cigarette machine to buy fags. The cigarette machine says ‘Sod off’. He’s a bit upset. So he goes to the bar. There’s a bowl of nuts. They say ‘Ooooh, you look lovely!’ The man’s really puzzled. He looks over at the landlord who says ‘I’m sorry mate. I should have warned you - the cigarette machine’s out of order and the peanuts are complimentary.’ By the way, on a numismatic note, I do hate the new '007' 50pence pieces, but then again, I hate all change.

U.S. News & World Report https://www.usnews.com/cartoons/donald-trump

Beware attack of the pie plates! This is mine and I don't know how to downsize so apologise in advance:

I've squirted Domestos into my computer as it's supposed to remove 99% of bugs.

Pay attention. 😀 Danelaw gave that joke already (just one page back)!

All sensible stuff. I did like this tongue in cheek contribution:-

Sounds like some sort of dodgy attempt to claim accidental damage on your insurance. 🙂

Trump's existence is proof enough.