What's Your Job in Real Life?

[Paddy]

My first experience of computers was on the Durham University Mainframe in the late 70s. The machine was actually in Newcastle, which added to the slow response. It was water cooled, so occasionally we got the message: "Sorry, the computer is down. The plumber has been called." . They had just moved from tape readers to card readers programming in Fortran IV as previously discussed. In my third year I was allowed to use one of the new "Green screen" consoles - there was a waiting list and sometimes it was the middle of the night before I got on. Nothing much has changed - there was an entirely word based adventure game on there - a bit akin to dungeons and dragons - and that soon occupied too much of my time!

About then the first PCs arrived - a Commodore PET with a whole 1k memory, programmed in Basic and with a cassette tape to store your efforts on. All the professors were very snooty about it and insisted it would never catch on. I was as pleased as punch when I created a worm chasing its tail game - you can still find them on older mobile phones.

Ahhhh! Nostalgia ain't what it used to be...

 

[Peckris 2]

My first computer was a PC with a 20MB HD ... which I only filled just over half. Then an Apple laptop 200MB ... two thirds full, then a later one with a 3GB drive ... ditto. When I graduated from there to an iBook 20GB, I filled it regularly.

Rewind before all that to the late 80s and my Project Manager came in and told us that every user (we had dumb terminals linked to an IBM mainframe) had a workspace that had been increased to 2 gigabytes! "Two what?" I asked him, open-mouthed.

[Unwilling Numismatist]

Hard drive shmard drive.

My first computer only had a tape drive.

 

[Madness]

My first computer had beads. 

And after buying it I had enough change from sixpence to see a cinema show. 

[Peckris 2]

11 hours ago, Unwilling Numismatist said:

Hard drive shmard drive.

My first computer only had a tape drive.

Luxury! Our father made us crawl inside a ZX80 and count the electrical shocks we got then crawl back out and carve the answer onto a slate...

[RLC35]

My first PC was a Tandy TRS80. It had two flexible floppy drives. The top drive was for data, and the bottom drive had the system program. Later I added a acoustical modem that you manually call the phone number up, then placed the phone receiver in the modem and a connection was made for data transmission. The system was so slow, you could see each character slowly emerge, one character at a time on the screen. This was about 1981 or 82.

[DaveG38]

My earliest (at work), was an ICL DRS 8801 Word Processor. It used huge 11" floppy discs and you had to load the operating system each time it was turned on. How quaint by the standards of today, yet it wasn't that long ago really.

[davidrj]

My first home pc was a BBC with a cassette tape, first at work was an Apple ][ with a Z80 card running CP/M

[Madness]

My job in real life is trying to keep this thread on topic.

[Peckris 2]

10 minutes ago, Madness said:

My job in real life is trying to keep this thread on topic.

No chance!

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks
if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a
nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few
winks. 
The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a
lotta fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the
answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the
answer, I'll pay you $5." 
Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. 
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the
answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" 
This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment
unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first
question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" 
The Engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a
five dollar bill and hands it to the Programmer. 
Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down on four?" 
The Programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his
laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail. 
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer
politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. 
The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks
"Well, so what's the answer?" 
Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer
$5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

[Unwilling Numismatist]

2 people in a 3 legged race to the top.

 

[Stuntman]

I'm late to this thread, but here's a bit more info about my own job and background.

I did Maths and Sciences for A-levels but then did a Law degree.  I really enjoyed the study of Law, but didn't think that working in the legal profession would interest me enough (although at that time, virtually all the interesting work was in London and I didn't want to live in London).  So I graduated from Cambridge and took a job as a cashier in a betting shop 😀

 

This rekindled my love of probability and statistics, and I then took a job training as a Chartered Accountant with one of the big firms, in Bristol.  Again, the study was interesting but I left as soon as I qualified, and got out into the business world.  I have spent the last 20+ years in a variety of companies and roles, but always as a forward-looking analytical problem-solver.  These days I am an interim and have been in and out of work rather than having a secure and stable job.  But I solve commercial business problems with data, logic, algebra and creativity 😄

I have retired from several non-work lives too.  I used to represent GB at Orienteering at under 21 level, used to be a national standard athlete on the track and the road until my body gave up aged 37, and am probably retired from being a comic performance poet (although I was brought out of a 4-year slumber earlier this year when I was booked for a music festival.  Toyah was in one tent, I was in the other!).  I won the UK Allstars Poetry Slam in 2012 which was the biggest event of its kind in the UK in terms of a paying audience.  This is what I used to do...

 

 

Edited August 19, 2018 by Stuntman
missing a t. I'm such an idio.

[blakeyboy]

I wish I'd been a second-hand car salesman, but you can't turn the clocks back.

[Peckris 2]

16 hours ago, blakeyboy said:

I wish I'd been a second-hand car salesman, but you can't turn the clocks back.

*I* wish I'd worked in a dairy, but there's no use crying over...  [hah, you saw that one coming a mile off]

[Peckris 2]

I told the auction house that I was a bona fide coin dealer, but they wanted to see proof.

[Madness]

I'm a bona fide barnacle clinging to the crusty hull of a welfare society, taking a free ride but with no control.  

[Stuntman]

I worked for a dairy for a while, delivering cream to housewives' back doors.

[Peckris 2]

I used to be a werewolf but I'm alright nooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww

[blakeyboy]

I used to nick staircases, but I took steps not to get caught......

[Madness]

10 minutes ago, blakeyboy said:

I used to nick staircases, but I took steps not to get caught......

Better than climbing the corporate ladder.  

[blakeyboy]

 

i’m applying for the government Thrill-Seekers Allowance-

a bit like the Job Seeker’s Allowance, but they push you out of the plane halfway through the interview.

Not to be confused with the New Seekers Allowance, where you get the money if you teach the world to sing….

[Peckris 2]

I was caught out when the Tories combined the Job Seeker’s Allowance with the New Seekers Allowance - I ended up having to beg, steal and borrow...

[blakeyboy]

Oh now that's quality 'on the hoof 'comedy..I spend months writing my shit and you trump it in under an hour....!!!

[Unwilling Numismatist]

I wanted to be a porn star.

Every time I show up people say "what a cock"....

 

 

[Peter]

My Aunt Marge has just returned to hospital..

I can't believe she's not be(u)tter.