I can relate to a lot of this. The coin drawers made with a spade bit? I have them. Old silver in awful plastic sheets? Four ring binders full.
One thing that did work for me, although I've never had the nerve to try it on a viable coin, was to get a cheap ultrasonic jewellery cleaner and load up the active chamber with acetone. It's not good for your health, it's expensive and you could get some friction marks. On the other hand it takes off the green slime perfectly. Just do it in the open air, OK?
Now lets wait for the mob to come, pitchforks in hand, to burn us as heretics,