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Madness

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I took the dog to the field behind the driving range yesterday, and they must have had some big hitters in the previous night. Dog found 9 golf balls, none of them top class but they'll keep him amused for a good while. Stuffed them into me trousers and took the bus home. I sat down next to a nice looking blonde lass. She kept looking at me and my bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, I said "It's golf balls".

She carried on looking at me for a very long time, thinking deeply about what I'd said. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?

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Golfer drives his Rolls Royce to a country petrol station to fill up. When he goes to pay, a few tees drop out of his wallet. The clerk is very surprised, never having seen the like. "What be they, zurr?" he askes. The golfer drawls "Oh, they're tees. For putting your balls on when driving off."

The clerk looks very impressed. "Well zurr, Rolls Royce they thinks of everything don't they?"

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Arthur is 85 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago. One day, he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it...." he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad.”

"Oh no!" she replied.

Arthur then tells her, "Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went!"

His wife sympathises. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good...." sighs Arthur, "George is 92. He can't help."

"He may be 92...." says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"And where did it go?" asks Arthur.

“I Can't remember...”.😝

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23744332_temp-Copy-Copy.png.dbc0fca2c79d368761a32a963a772c14.png

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32 minutes ago, Sword said:

23744332_temp-Copy-Copy.png.dbc0fca2c79d368761a32a963a772c14.png

Are they for serving my guilt out to others or helping myself to a bit more?

 

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Quote

Arthur is 85 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago. One day, he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it...." he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad.”

"Oh no!" she replied.

Arthur then tells her, "Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went!"

His wife sympathises. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good...." sighs Arthur, "George is 92. He can't help."

"He may be 92...." says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"And where did it go?" asks Arthur.

“I Can't remember...”.😝

That reminds me of another joke...

Two older couples are at one of their houses having just spent a pleasant dinner party together. The wives are in the kitchen chatting and the two men are together at the table.

One friend turns to the other " You know Frank there's a new restaurant opened in town, we had a really lovely meal there the other day, I would highly recommend it"
Frank is interested " Sounds great, what's it called?"


His mate screws up his face trying to remember and asks " Er what's the name of that flower that you give out a Valentines day, usually red?" 
Frank replies " Do you mean a rose?"


" That's it !!"  replies his friend and proceeds to shout towards the kitchen "Rose, what's the name of that new restaurant we visited last week?"😄

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I was sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers, and the wife said..

”you spoil those dogs”

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11 hours ago, secret santa said:

I posted this one last Thursday !

its the way I tell ‘em 😁

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I remember years ago I had a friend who ran a sports shop near bury they were doing well and took on a new member of staff who had just finished school and did not know sport to much but at least she was willing .

Anyway she was in here second week and a guy came upstairs and as she was the only member of staff available he came and asked her" have you got any cricket boxes?"

This really confused the poor girl and she suddenly  blurted out "Cricket box , do you keep your balls in it ?"

Apparently the guy just went red and walked out

 

 

 

 

Edited by copper123
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On 2/4/2021 at 1:52 PM, Debbie said:

That reminds me of another joke...

Two older couples are at one of their houses having just spent a pleasant dinner party together. The wives are in the kitchen chatting and the two men are together at the table.

One friend turns to the other " You know Frank there's a new restaurant opened in town, we had a really lovely meal there the other day, I would highly recommend it"
Frank is interested " Sounds great, what's it called?"


His mate screws up his face trying to remember and asks " Er what's the name of that flower that you give out a Valentines day, usually red?" 
Frank replies " Do you mean a rose?"


" That's it !!"  replies his friend and proceeds to shout towards the kitchen "Rose, what's the name of that new restaurant we visited last week?"😄

I heard the same joke about the Beckhams and a taxi driver when they've just returned from New York. David is going on about a great restaurant in NY where loads of celebs go. The driver asks its name. David's brow furrows. "Think of mainline London railway stations."

"Euston?" "Nah, another.."

"Paddington?" "Nah, that wasn't it."

"Victoria?" "Yeah! That's it! Victoria, what was the name of that restaurant we liked in New York?"

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I think some of the funniest things happen in real life...

Our friends have two young sons and one year they bought the oldest one an ant farm ( a glass container where you can view how the ants burrow through sand )

That Christmas they took their younger son to see Santa who asked him what he would like for Christmas. Their boy in all innocence and with some enthusiasm replied 

" Could I please have a "buggery" like my brother got..... "  😮  I think they had a bit of explaining to do! 

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You just got to laugh:

974227327_tempcoke-Copy.thumb.jpg.ba42aea508b03e747aef8cc5a45e0ee7.jpg

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The reverse of the "coin" if anyone is curious. 

737919514_39031958_195980345_max-Copy.jpg.702aa4304dfa8f13697b93e4cf136b78.jpg

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I wonder why it's a 69? Maybe there's a trace of bottleopener on the rim? If so, the TPG was definitely on the ball to notice that.

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1 hour ago, Rob said:

I wonder why it's a 69? Maybe there's a trace of bottleopener on the rim? If so, the TPG was definitely on the ball to notice that.

It's written on the left of the reverse. The 9 looks like a g but if it was fully struck up it would be a 70. ;)

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I'm reading this thread and thinking  "Has someone drugged my tea?"....

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3 hours ago, Sword said:

Apparently, the 2020 coin has been released as a part of 4 coin set in a Vending Machine.

683376833_temp-Copy.thumb.jpg.4413e038dbd6d9eb853a0c5986aa5816.jpg

https://en.numista.com/catalogue/pieces131407.html

 

 

How does that sit with the requirement that slabs should be sealed to stop access to the coin?

Is it an MS70 vending machine? :blink: Put some money in the slot and you get a graded drink? I'm going for them being 'Poor'. Not sure about 'Have a Coke' - LSD may be more appropriate...................

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The "vending machine" is the "original box" and so it is not currently gradable by PCGS

It is becoming a joke what constitutes a "coin" according to some countries and seemingly also to TPGs. So PCGS is accepting a bottle cap as a coin. Would they eventually end up slabbing buttons, beer mats or even chocolate money too?

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16 minutes ago, Sword said:

The "vending machine" is the "original box" and so it is not currently gradable by PCGS

It is becoming a joke what constitutes a "coin" according to some countries and seemingly also to TPGs. So PCGS is accepting a bottle cap as a coin. Would they eventually end up slabbing buttons, beer mats or even chocolate money too?

If someone is stupid enough to pay them to do so, then yes. They would only be satifying a demand in the market to confirm that what you have is genuine tat of the highest quality. Nothing finer - or so they say..... I reckon, if you looked around, you could find an even bigger load of b*****ks somewhere.

Edit to say - found some. I wonder if they will grade as premium quality?

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F3%2F37%2FCriadillas_de_Choto-_Madrid.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FTesticles_as_food&tbnid=NSrnzvae4TXETM&vet=12ahUKEwi596OP_tfuAhUJ-4UKHRr7A8cQMygAegUIARCYAQ..i&docid=fieVeu65fqJ6RM&w=2592&h=3888&q=bulls testicles images&client=firefox-b-d&ved=2ahUKEwi596OP_tfuAhUJ-4UKHRr7A8cQMygAegUIARCYAQ

Edited by Rob
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A kilo of testicals?

Thats a load of bollocks

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Good job they're not dipped in glitter....that would be pretty nuts

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Most people think that all testicles are pretty much the same, but there's a vas deferens.

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8 minutes ago, Diaconis said:

Most people think that all testicles are pretty much the same, but there's a vas deferens.

Oh extraordinary!!

Pun of the Year so far, Dear Boy!!!!!

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