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Madness

Stuff to Make Us Laugh

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I remember doing a sun crossword once and a question was sweetener in tea or coffee five letters  - not very challenging

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6 hours ago, Coinery said:

Another VERY relevant set of stamps planned for next spring! :)

At least you're confident it's going to happen then.

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Some of my friends have botox, and when I said I might try it, nobody raised an eyebrow.....

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I used my Tesco Discount Card to scrape the ice on my windscreen.

I only got 10% off.......

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Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves......NOT HAPPY.

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Sorry Paddy!

How do I do it like some above where the youtube picture appears on the page with the play logo in the middle?

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On 12/8/2018 at 11:19 AM, copper123 said:

I remember doing a sun crossword once and a question was sweetener in tea or coffee five letters  - not very challenging

Another tricky crossword clue:

Pertaining only to the female gender - 4 letters ending in UNT

 

 

 

Answer, of course is AUNT

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I have been called an -unt many times so it is not just a female thing LOL .

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I was observing the sun through a colander yesterday.

I think I've strained my eyes.

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🎶   Old MacDonald was a cop,

Echo India Echo India Oscar    🎶

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Most of us have been amused by the standard of English in foreign hotels. Here is a selection:

Japan
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviors in bed.
Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited.

Germany
Berlin cloakroom: Please hang yourself here.
It is our intention to pleasure you every day.

Greece: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

France
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Name of a hotel in Lectoure: Hotel de Bastard.
Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.

Romania: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Poland
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

Switzerland
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Special today – no ice cream.
We have nice bath and are very good in bed.

Mexico: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

South Korea
Choose twin bed or marriage size; we regret no King Kong size.
Measles not included in room charge.

Italy
Suggestive views from every window.
If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter. It is kindly requested from our guests that they avoid dirting and doing rumours in the rooms. Hot and cold water running up and down the stairs.

Finland: Instructions in case of fire: If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.

Ethiopia: To call room service, please open door and call Room Service. Please call quiet, people may sleep.

Spain
We highly recommend the hotel tart.
Take Discotheque with or without date, in summer plus open air bonging bar

Turkey: Flying water in all rooms. You may bask in sun on patio

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Apparently, many years ago a Swiss hotel got fed up with people waking everyone up in the middle of the night

by wearing their climbing boots when going back to their rooms, so a sign was put up:

'Please refrain from perambulating the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension'

 

Marvellous!!!

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The Brits have ever been amused by "Johnny Foreigner" attempting the Queen's English. 

This probably wouldn't go down so well today, unless it were at a Farage party.

 

 

 

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17 hours ago, bagerap said:

The Brits have ever been amused by "Johnny Foreigner" attempting the Queen's English. 

This probably wouldn't go down so well today, unless it were at a Farage party.

Not quite sure of the Farage reference? That seems very inoffensively amusing, and here is another from the same occasion:

 

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18 hours ago, bagerap said:

The Brits have ever been amused by "Johnny Foreigner" attempting the Queen's English. 

This probably wouldn't go down so well today, unless it were at a Farage party.

 

Let's be honest you can barely sneeze these days without "offending" someone. 

 

 

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