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Madness

Stuff to Make Us Laugh

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How do I give ten likes?

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On 12/13/2020 at 8:05 PM, 1949threepence said:

 

Including:

Neil Young - The Needle & the Damage Done

Roger Whittaker - Durham Town

Elvis Costello - Pills & Soap & Gel

 

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Peggy Lee  "Fever"

Dusty Springfield  "I just don't know what to do with myself"

Chuck Berry  "No particular place to go"

and who could forget the Knack's  "My Corona"........

 

...and so it begins........:)

 

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This year's favourite tree decoration

xmas dog.jpg

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3 hours ago, blakeyboy said:

Peggy Lee  "Fever"

Dusty Springfield  "I just don't know what to do with myself"

Chuck Berry  "No particular place to go"

and who could forget the Knack's  "My Corona"........

 

...and so it begins........:)

 

"Somebody get me a doctor" - Van Halen

"Soon you'll get better"  - Taylor Swift

"Infected" - Bad Religion

Also, for those who have just been vaccinated:-

"I've got you under my skin" - Frank Sinatra

and for the covid deniers:-

"Another invented disease" - Manic Street Preachers

 

 

   

Edited by 1949threepence

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The drugs don't work by the Verve....

 

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1 hour ago, Paddy said:

The drugs don't work by the Verve....

 

Doctor Doctor - The Thompson Twins

Doctor Elbowbump Elbowbump - 5000 Volts

A Nightingale built In Berkeley Square

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place - The Animals 

Tiers - Ken Dodd

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Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonising pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realised he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say "You may not feel anything from the waist down". Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply "Can I feel your boobs, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

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In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.

The Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the Nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the Nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother..." the Nuns asked earnestly "please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us".

Mother Superior raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said "DON'T SELL THAT COW"

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Only 370 days till Christmas!!!!

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Rishi Sunak looks like Ugli Patel's ventriloquist doll!

But I think we all know who will last the longer...

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133090888_10207611244036464_1513396215278387114_n.jpg

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As the world's population swelled over the past few decades, Santa's sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it.

Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin. As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh.

Franklin is going through the list of banned items. There are weapons, drugs, etc., but one item caught his curiosity... Cement.

Franklin says to Lee "Hey, do you have any idea why cement might be banned?"

"No idea, let's ask the boss. I can't see why anyone would want that" says Lee

They both go to Santa's office and ask "Hey, Santa? Does anyone ever actually ask for cement for Christmas?"

Santa, in the process of checking his list, puts it down and says "Yes. Every year there is a small village by a river that floods constantly. They ask for as much as they can get to build a wall. Every year I refuse".

Both Franklin and Lee look at each other in amazement. That sounds like a great gift to give a village who needs it.

Franklin then asks "But Santa, why would you ban them from having cement? It sure sounds like they could use it!"

Santa turns to both of them and says...

"Frank, Lee, my deer. I don't give out dams"

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I dig this out every Christmas. I make no apologies.

Eggs Benedict is a dish best served on the hubcap from a '57 Austin Cambridge ... because there's no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise

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Would a hubcap from an A35 or a Moggie thou do? If so I'll join you. Bon Appetit!

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Wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning

"Windows frozen, won't open"
He replies
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with a hammer"
10 minutes later she messages back
"Laptop really screwed up now"

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I wonder- in No10, in the Covid meetings do they toss a special coin to make decisions?

You know - the one with 'Vaccinate' on one side and 'Vacillate' on the other....?  :)

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I am getting somewhat bored with this lockdown. I have even resorted to changing the wrappers in the Celebrations tin. My wife is not too happy about It as she has got her Snickers in a Twix!

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LP.jpg

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WHOS THE MINGER IN THE MIDDLE ?

WOULD NOT TOUCH IT WITH YOURS !  LOL

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Here's the original picture with a greater choice of "beauties".

Ea3Fb4sX0AE7tIz.jpg

The only one that looks half decent is Gavin Williamson and I can't make up my mind about Dominic Raab.

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Who said 'Things can only get better'? Schoolgirls were much nicer when I was there.

Anyway, the one on the left in the middle row still looks too masculine.

Edited by Rob
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