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Madness

Stuff to Make Us Laugh

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I've squirted Domestos into my computer as it's supposed to remove 99% of bugs.

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24 minutes ago, Peckris 2 said:

I've squirted Domestos into my computer as it's supposed to remove 99% of bugs.

Sounds like some sort of dodgy attempt to claim accidental damage on your insurance. 🙂

 

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A bloke purchased a world map. He gave his wife a dart and said to her "Throw this and wherever it lands, I'm taking you for a holiday".
 
 
 
 
 
 
They spent three weeks behind the fridge
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28 minutes ago, UPINSMOKE said:
A bloke purchased a world map. He gave his wife a dart and said to her "Throw this and wherever it lands, I'm taking you for a holiday".
 
They spent three weeks behind the fridge

Pay attention. 😀 Danelaw gave that joke already (just one page back)!

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A man goes into a pub and he walks up to cigarette machine to buy fags. The cigarette machine says ‘Sod off’. He’s a bit upset. So he goes to the bar. There’s a bowl of nuts. They say ‘Ooooh, you look lovely!’ The man’s really puzzled. He looks over at the landlord who says ‘I’m sorry mate. I should have warned you - the cigarette machine’s out of order and the peanuts are complimentary.’

By the way, on a numismatic note, I do hate the new '007' 50pence pieces, but then again, I hate all change.

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The M1 and the A1 are in a bar having a drink when a stretch of red tarmac walks in.

"Who is that?" asks the M1.

"Oh, watch out for him - he's a real cycle path!" replies the A1.

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French radio are saying there has been a fire at a cheese factory.
They are reporting there is de brie everywhere.

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On 3/14/2020 at 10:28 PM, Peckris 2 said:

I've squirted Domestos into my computer as it's supposed to remove 99% of bugs.

I accidentally squirted some Domestos over a man of the cloth once.

 

I was arrested for bleach of the priest. 

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During this period of self-imposed confinement, and between bouts of gargling with Bragg's vinegar, I'm revisiting some of my favourite box sets. 

I'm currently watching that loveable pompous ass Tony Hancock (again). Hancock and James, and a supporting cast too numerous to mention, the pure quality of which I never tire.

Many questions raised, for example, is 'Circa' pronounced, Surka or Kurka 😂😂😂. From now on, it's Kurka for me, if only for the raised eyelids.

Time for another gargle.

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I coughed on the bus this morning and 4 people turned around. I thought I was through to the next round of 'The Voice'

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After the Oxford-Cambridge boat race is cancelled, organisers say anyone who still wants to see old Etonians out of their depth can watch the daily coronavirus briefing instead.

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On 3/15/2020 at 3:34 PM, Danelaw said:

 

Just listened to the whole thing in the workshop.

Didn't get much work done :)

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Here's a topical one

 

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fido.jpg

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rude street names.jpg

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On 3/17/2020 at 6:07 PM, Diaconis said:

Here's a topical one

 

Fantastic!!

I'd forgotten how good Patricia Hayes was....

 

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49 minutes ago, blakeyboy said:

Fantastic!!

I'd forgotten how good Patricia Hayes was....

 

I agree there Blakey, superb...

Just watched The Ladies Man...I'd forgotten what a cracker Liz Fraser was😛

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...and I suppose you've also notice June Whitfield in The Blood Donor......

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Brakefluid.jpg.a642e21047792e85f2b98fd3780a2acb.jpg

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16 hours ago, blakeyboy said:

...and I suppose you've also notice June Whitfield in The Blood Donor......

I did indeed, good shout.

I also spotted little Peter Glaze playing the dog in the Bowmans. I did a bit of googling and was surprised to read that he passed away aged just 58, he always looked older than his years.

Used to love him in Crackerjack.

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CRACKERJACK!!!!!

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On 3/17/2020 at 6:07 PM, Diaconis said:

Here's a topical one

 

Just watched it again....sooo  good.

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I once made a wig from bum hair.

 

It was great looking but on windy days it kept blowing off.

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