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Madness

Stuff to Make Us Laugh

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I've seriously taken up boxing competition as part of my fitness regime.

I had to go for a Medical as part of the insurance, and the doctor told me I'd got Sugar Diabetes,

and I told him that in the form I was in, I'd win by a knock out.......

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A Tesco lorry transporting a ton of frozen desserts overturned on the M25 last night. The emergency services arrived a trifle too late.

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Noticed a new book in Waterstones the other day - "Russian Rupture", by I. Kikabolokov. 

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I went into record shop today, and I asked the guy  " Do you have anything by the Doors?"

 

 

He said  "Yes, a fire extinguisher and a bucket of sand."

 

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11 hours ago, blakeyboy said:

I went into record shop today, and I asked the guy  " Do you have anything by the Doors?"

 

 

He said  "Yes, a fire extinguisher and a bucket of sand."

 

That reminds me

Years ago a lady friend was looking for an old Cliff Richard tune, “Two lips and seven kisses”. I remember her ringing around several local record shops to no avail. 

Then she rang a shop in the next village, “Do you have Two lips and seven kisses?” she asked.

It all went rather quiet the other end for several seconds, then all of a sudden a male voice came back, “No love but i’ve got two balls and seven inches”

Rather surprised, she asked “ is that a record?” to which he replied “ no love, it’s just above average” and hung up.

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Rudolf Schmidt, the Senator for Arizona, was entertaining the Russian ambadassador over Christmas. After dinner Schmidt looked out of the window and saw sleet was falling. "Hey" he said to his guest, "It's snowing". The ambassador laughed out loud. "Is not snow, tovarich - is just rain!". It didn't often snow in Arizona so Schmidt stuck to his guns. "No, that's not rain - it's snow". The ambassador kept insisting it was only rain, and Schmidt got quite heated.

At that point, Schmidt's wife tapped on his shoulder and whispered to him "Rudolf, the Red knows rain, dear".

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12 minutes ago, Peckris 2 said:

Rudolf Schmidt, the Senator for Arizona, was entertaining the Russian ambadassador over Christmas. After dinner Schmidt looked out of the window and saw sleet was falling. "Hey" he said to his guest, "It's snowing". The ambassador laughed out loud. "Is not snow, tovarich - is just rain!". It didn't often snow in Arizona so Schmidt stuck to his guns. "No, that's not rain - it's snow". The ambassador kept insisting it was only rain, and Schmidt got quite heated.

At that point, Schmidt's wife tapped on his shoulder and whispered to him "Rudolf, the Red knows rain, dear".

Wouldn't it be great if it were a real story. There has never been an US Senator named Rudolf Schmidt though. 

 

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I was totally incredulous the other day when my wife declared that she was the world's number one fan of the Monkees.

 

But then I saw her face........................

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5 minutes ago, secret santa said:

I was totally incredulous the other day when my wife declared that she was the world's number one fan of the Monkees.

 

But then I saw her face........................

More fool you for being a believer. ;)

 

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Apparently everyone has been quarantined at John Lennon airport!

Imagine all the people?

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Oh the quality!!!

10/10 to all involved.....

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I have a Russian friend who's a sound technician. And a Czech one to. A Czech one too.

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1 1 was a racehorse

2 2 was 1 2

1 1 1 1 race

2 2 1 1 2

 

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I give up- what's the answer?

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John, where James had had had had had had had had had had had had scrawled above it in red by the teacher.

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16 hours ago, Paddy said:

1 1 was a racehorse

2 2 was 1 2

1 1 1 1 race

2 2 1 1 2

 

Very clever - love it.

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10 hours ago, blakeyboy said:

I give up- what's the answer?

Read it out loud - each digit spoken separately...

 

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I know! 

 

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Posted (edited)

I didn't get it at first but I was prepared to laugh just to fit in. 😄

Edited by Sword

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7 hours ago, blakeyboy said:

I know! 

Goggle "1 1 was a racehorse 2 2 was 1 2" and you will have the "answer"

 

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So, there were two horses,  yeah,  called 'Eleven' and 'Twenty-two'...am I getting this right?

 

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55 minutes ago, blakeyboy said:

So, there were two horses,  yeah,  called 'Eleven' and 'Twenty-two'...am I getting this right?

Just to put you out of your misery:

One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.

 

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So they weren't in the same race then?

 

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181293923_1-Copy.jpg.923573a03140881ec03285629d9d2733.jpg

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