bagerap

This appeared on ebay under tokens: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Fichte-Bauchi-Louis-xv65-designer-safe/254934993430?hash=item3b5b4f4a16:g:gJwAAOSwORpgYyHC

Any publican will tell you that people who prefer a dimple pint or "jug" never pick it up by the handle. It's always used, handle opposite mouth and with the first three fingers poking through. So why not use a straight glass, is it the weight? Also that which is described as a shaker, a term I have never encountered, is more commonly known as a sleever. More specifically, a cider sleever.

Gadoury have one or two nice Conders coming up next week, starting @ lot 201: https://www.biddr.com/auctions/gadoury/browse?a=1654&p=3

Back in the day when I handled more coins than medals I put everything into 2 x 2s. Storage was easy. Even today most charity shops will have slide boxes for 35 mm slides, or even better the cartridges used in 35 mm slide projectors. They fit beautifully.

If you don't get this first time round, well neither did I. Bob and a few of his co-workers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday. Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?" Susan pipes up "It's Bob's birthday!" "Oh well happy birthday! Make sure you save room because you'll get a free dessert!" Tim and Susan smile and nod, but Bob looks a bit confused. He asks her to repeat herself. "Sure thing, happy birthday! Save room and you'll get a free dessert". There's a moment of silence before Bob says "Vroom, vroom!"

It's an Egyptian dish of fava beans and can be written many ways including ful meddamas, foul mesdames ad infinitum. One of the joys of translating from a non roman alphabet. Have a look at all your local Indian take away menus. Most of them will have similar dishes but spelling can vary widely.

This comes from a local restaurant in Charminster, Bournemouth:

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumour. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment" Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three". Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No" the man replied "actually I just heard about it". "All right" said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So" Socrates continued "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well" concluded Socrates "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

An elderly, but hardy cattleman once told a young female neighbour that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

A builder's labourer goes to his doctor, "I'm constipated." he says. The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, "Lean over the table." After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his a**e with a baseball bat. A loud "CRACK!" is heard, and the doctor sends him to the toilet. After coming out of the toilet, he says, "I feel great! What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping your a**e with cement bags

Are you somewhere North of Watford? I ask because there used to be a Midlands variant of shove ha'penny that used a longer board with more divisions and, crucially, pennies instead of their smaller cousins/.

I come from probably the last generation of grammar school kids to be taught Latin and Greek as part of the standard curriculum. This possibly helped to shape my future as I went on to study language and subsequently linguistics. Latin was a constant help to me learning some of the Romance languages but Attic Greek? Not really a great deal of help in the modern world. That was until I went with my girlfriend of the time for a holiday just outside of Corinth. She worked with a Greek girl and we were to deliver a present to the Greek lasses mum in Athens. Well, it made for a nice day out and we could see a few bits of ancient architecture. This was all before the days of Google maps and all we had was an address. Written in English. Spotting a tourism kiosk, I asked if they had a street map.Voila, easy as that. Opened it up and easily found the street we were looking for. Why? Because the bloody map was in English. It was at this point that my long forgotten education kicked in as I realised that I could actually read the Greek road signs. Didn't help much when we later met Sophia's mum, as I still hadn't mustered a single word of demotic Greek.

Vendor is from Yeovil. Population 45,000 Surnames 3

Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes, that nice couple we met in Portugal

When the pubs do eventually reopen, my drinking mate Paul won't be there to enjoy it. Oh, it's not Covid, he just had an accident. Got his finger caught in a wedding ring.

I should point out that in some versions of this gag the Englishman is replaced by a Yorkshireman, resulting in one of my favourite punchlines "t' Pennines."

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishmen are debating philosophy. The question arises over the course of their debates: What Separates Man From The Animals? "Technology" says the German "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the heights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts". "I disagree" announces the Italian. "It is our food. The creatures of the wild eat, but they do not cook. Humans on the other hand, create amazing dishes and new combination that make eating a most enjoyable experience". "I say it's art" decides the Frenchman. "No other being can create art. From our earliest days we have painted, and now we sculpt, write and compose as well. The wild animals cannot ever know what it is like to cry over a beautiful piece of art". All three now look towards the Englishman, expecting his answer. He takes a long sip of tea before answering "The Channel".

Anyone have the figures for the 1996 silver proof set? Royal Mint site is being a pain and spitting me out at random irrelevant sections.

Looks like this is the way my life's going Three elderly golfers walking down the fairway. "Sixty is the worst age to be" said the 60-year-old "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens". "Ah, that's nothing" said the 70-year-old. "When you're 70, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat prunes, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens". "Actually" said the 80-year-old "Eighty is the worst age of all". "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, I pee every morning at 6.00 am. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all". "Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6.30 am". Puzzled with this the 60-year-old said "Let's get this straight. You pee every morning at 6.00 am and crap every morning at 6.30 am. So what's so tough about being 80?" "I don't wake up until seven..."

For the musically minded, an earworm

I'm good, I'll PM the address.

I'll take the other two, so if you can work out a price between Jon and me, I'll be happy to take them.