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A MAN'S GUIDE TO TOOLS DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh damn' CIRCULAR SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. Its best use is for igniting new seat covers. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. FLATHEAD SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50-cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON OF A BITCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need, and at times must be retrieved from across the road.

It's starting to happen in my market, tokens and medals. I put a bid on ebay today for a 19th century silver ploughing medal. Well laid out and with beautiful copperplate engraving. I have currently 5 similar in stock because they sell well . As such, they go for 2-3.5 times bullion. Lovely items, but common. Today I bid £37.00 on 14 gr. of agricultural silver. At that price it would have netted me on average a £12-18 profit. It sold for £122.00

I am getting somewhat bored with this lockdown. I have even resorted to changing the wrappers in the Celebrations tin. My wife is not too happy about It as she has got her Snickers in a Twix!

Wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning "Windows frozen, won't open" He replies "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with a hammer" 10 minutes later she messages back "Laptop really screwed up now"

I dig this out every Christmas. I make no apologies. Eggs Benedict is a dish best served on the hubcap from a '57 Austin Cambridge ... because there's no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise

As the world's population swelled over the past few decades, Santa's sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it. Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin. As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh. Franklin is going through the list of banned items. There are weapons, drugs, etc., but one item caught his curiosity... Cement. Franklin says to Lee "Hey, do you have any idea why cement might be banned?" "No idea, let's ask the boss. I can't see why anyone would want that" says Lee They both go to Santa's office and ask "Hey, Santa? Does anyone ever actually ask for cement for Christmas?" Santa, in the process of checking his list, puts it down and says "Yes. Every year there is a small village by a river that floods constantly. They ask for as much as they can get to build a wall. Every year I refuse". Both Franklin and Lee look at each other in amazement. That sounds like a great gift to give a village who needs it. Franklin then asks "But Santa, why would you ban them from having cement? It sure sounds like they could use it!" Santa turns to both of them and says... "Frank, Lee, my deer. I don't give out dams"

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the Nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the Nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader. "Mother..." the Nuns asked earnestly "please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us". Mother Superior raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said "DON'T SELL THAT COW"

Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonising pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realised he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say "You may not feel anything from the waist down". Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply "Can I feel your boobs, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

This year's favourite tree decoration

For some years the lawyer had been taking his holidays at the exclusive hide-away country hotel and carrying on an affair with the owner's daughter. However, on returning one year he discovered his mistress had given birth to twin boys. "Why on earth didn't you tell me?" said the astonished lawyer. "You know I would have married you and provided for the birth". She replied "That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over all the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of bastards in the family than a lawyer"

.The Queen's Gambit was very good but I can't believe they've brought out a board game spinoff already.

"Not the only dodgy goings on. I 'won' lot 1093 in the last BSJ sale with a hammer price of £370. Prices realised now show a hammer price of £410, i.e. £10 above my max. It will be interesting to see where it reappears, as the buyer is presumably able to outbid you after the auction." Possibly "bought in" by the auctioneers?

I've not read the entire thread, so this may have been answered, but does one have to pay duty on slabbed coins? It strikes me that they should be treated as "Returned British Goods" and thus free from any taxes or duties.

It seems that it's socially unacceptable to laugh out loud in Hawaii, so just stick to a low Ha.